Is it Summertime?

“See it or skip it?” What the Eff is this crap? I’m watching Ebert and Roeper “At The Movies.” The most famous of all the movie review shows and they go away from the two thumbs up review method. It’s only one of the most famous sayings in pop culture, why would we ever want to continue using one of the most famous sayings in pop culture? They seem to be re-packaging the show, which is fine I guess, things are different than they used to be 20 plus years ago, but let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Speaking of Ebert and Roeper, they reviewed Recount, an HBO movie, and gave it “two See its” (just not catchy) and Roeper actually claimed that it was an unbiased view of the recounts. Recount is a lot of things, but unbiased is not one. I enjoyed it thoroughly but I understood that the guys who made this movie were definitely on the side of Al Gore. It is a fine movie, it was interesting to recount all the details of the re-count, and to see all the politics involved. They certainly were giving no quarter to Catherine Harris, who comes off as over-matched although very hot, and I’d like to party with her. Mostly after the movie I just thought about how the world could’ve been totally different if things had just been a little different in Florida. Who knows maybe it wouldn’t have.

On the subject of movies, I saw the new Indiana Jones movie. It was a fun time. It seems every critic wants to pan it, but I think we’ve all forgotten what the Indiana Jones movies were. They were fun adventures with a charismatic star. I’s not like we’re getting the fourth Godfather movie here. Why are people complaining that the new Indiana Jones is too unrealistic? Is it really any more unrealistic than an Arc that melts peoples’ faces off or a guy who can rip out your heart and hold it in his hand while it still beats? Just go to the movie, buy some popciorn and a soda, maybe even some Sour Patch kids and have a good time.

But enough about movies.

Can I finally write a requiem for the San Antonio Spurs? I’m tired of them, like most everyone outside of the greater San Antonio area, (which must be pretty huge.) I feel like Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker have become the two most overrated players in the NBA. They wouldn’t be nearly as highly thought of if Tim Duncan weren;t carrying their asses. Duncan does all the dirty work, the heavy lifting; then Ginobili or Parker makes a pretty drive and people think they’ve done something spectacular. I heard Ric Bucher say that Manu has had as much to do with the Spurs Championships as Duncan, it almost caused me to get into a car accident. Manu wasn;t even around for the first title and for the second one he was not a big contributor. As an aside, I definitely refer to Manu Ginobili as a European player far more often than I do Tony Parker. Sure Manu is from Argentina and Tony is from France, but Manu just acts more European. I’m hoping we’ve seen the last of these spurs in late May. Perhaps they can have a final run in a couple years where they take some team to seven, like Jimmy Connors at the US Open.

I’ve been concentrating on the Celtics-Pistons, hoping for the C’s to take it in 6 tonight and then a subsequent explosion from the Pistons (not their fans, mind you, please no riots.) I hate the Pistons, they really think of themselves as a dynasty, but they’re really lucky that even won a single title, they’re dysfunctional. ‘Sheed may very well be a sociopath, I don’t know how anyone who plays on the same team as Rip Hamilton can claim that the other team is flopping, that takes some serious balls. When Rip takes off his stupid mask he looks just like Greg from the Real World: Hollywood. Not only do they look alike, but they’re both full of shit. Rip’s flailing and flopping is an embarrassment to the NBA. Anyway, I don’t want to jinx my beloved C’s. I actually went to a few games during the infamous 15 win season and I waited patiently for Antoine Walker to blossom into a superstar, so I feel like me and the other C’s fans have earned this one.

Hopefully all will go well with The Celtics this weekend, so I can properly enjoy the return of The Venture Bros. After too much waiting and searching for info online, I found out yesterday that the best show on Adult Swim returns Sunday night.

-Bender Out

We're playin' baaasketbaaallll

I think most people would assume that my latest lack of posts has to do with the release of Grand Theft Auto IV. But sadly this is not true, in fact I have to shamefully admit that I don’t even own an Xbox 360 or PS3 yet. So instead of rising to the top of Liberty City’s crime syndicate I’m doing more mundane things like going to the grocery store. Speaking of which, how dare the Columbo people try and change the size of their delicious yogurts from 8oz. to 6oz, yet they kept the same price. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? I compare the Comlumbosian family to drug pushers, they got me hooked at a young age and they keep pushing up the prices and milking me for more money. I also wonder what other customers are thinking when I pick up the 48 pack of toilet paper. In this age of BJ’s and Costco you’d be a fool to buy your toilet paper in anything less than a 24 pack, similar to the way I used to buy my Bud Light in college. But it bears mentioning that I feel very awkward with a 48 pack of TP under my arm as I march up to the check out lines. I sometimes start telling total strangers that I haven’t been feeling well or that I ate a lot of Buffalo wings the night before; these lines tickle me to death but usually the other person just ignores me or is horrified. Apparently no one wants to share a laugh with me.

But I digress, I’m not here to talk about my grocery shopping in the past, I’m here to be positive about the future. And mostly I’ve been consumed with Playoff Basketball these past two weeks. Tonight the Hornets went up 2-0 on the defending champion Spurs and I think the world might finally start to realize exactly how good they are, and more specifically how great Chris Paul is, and we might want to start talking about his place in history. I have to admit that I was not a Chris Paul believer. I supported the Hawks when they took Marvin Williams ahead of him, and as recently as this year I thought that Deron Williams was still his equal, but no longer. (Ironically I did know that Chris Paul would’ve been a better pick than Andrew Bogut, just not Marvin.) I’m starting to think that Paul could go down as the second best point guard to ever play the game. I’d already put him ahead of recent players like Steve Nash and the vastly overrated Allen Iverson. This post-season Paul could be placing himself up in the Isiah Thomas stratosphere, not one of the top ten of all-time, but on the next level; and that’s very hard for a little guy to do. Anyway, I don’t want to call the series prematurely, but the Hornets look like they have this match-up all over the Spurs, Ginobili’s flops aren’t getting called, Tony Parker is being exposed as less than an all-star, Chandler is making Duncan look a bit old and David West is ready for his close up. I think we might be watching the end of the Spurs “dynasty.”

A note on The Spurs, and mostly on Tim Duncan; I don’t want anyone to think I’m crapping on Duncan. Duncan is one of only five players in the last twenty-five years who could be crowned as the greatest player alive. There was Bird, then Magic, then Jordan, followed by Shaq, and then Duncan. They were the five best players of the last twenty five years and while you can argue that Duncan was number five on that list, there’s no shame in that at all. Superstars on this level often somehow become underrated; people don’t realize how much better their teammates seem when they get on the court with a superstar. But all great things must come to an end, and it’s obvious with Shaq and Duncan isn’t far behind.

The other semi-final out west is far less interesting to me. I don’t really enjoy the Lakers, but I think they’re going to make easy work of the Utah Jazz. Kobe Bryant is a very talented player, but he’s never been the type to elevate his teammates other than the attention he draws from the defense. Gasol and Odom are talented but flawed players, I enjoy a lot of their role players like Touriaf, Walton and Fisher but they don’t make up for the fact that Kobe is a total douche bag. I’d like to watch the Jazz beat them, but I just don’t think they’re ready. Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer are hard working physical players, but they can’t make up for their overmatched teammates, including Ashton Kutcher.

I’m not really ready to talk about my Celtics’ first round series, all I can say about it is that ever since the Super Bowl I’m back to the old days of waiting to be disappointed by the local teams, instead of assuming they’ll win. All that said, I still think they could win a title. The Cavs although more talented than Atlanta are probably a better match-up. Lebron is phenomenal, and is the rightful heir to the “greatest player alive” throne, but the rest of the team looks like the guys you bring together in an effort to get the number one draft pick. I’d say Delonte West is the second best player on the Cavs, he’s hard nosed and ready to battle, but not quite up to the challenge, kind of like a latter day Scrappy Doo. As for the Detroit vs. Orlando, it’s unfortunate that the Pistons will win this one, I hate Detroit but Dwight Howard just doesn’t have enough support to make the Pistons pay for their Laissez Faire attitude. The Pistons think of themselves as being the team of the decade but in reality they are probably just an afterthought similar to the Heat from two years ago.

A couple last notes before I wrap it up, I must not have been paying attention the last few years, but I’d say the announcing is lacking. Perhaps it’s because they’re split over two networks, but I think they need to upgrade all the announcing teams and perhaps the studio hosts. If I had to listen to Dick Stockton refer to the “year and a half” that Joe Johnson spent in Boston, I might have flipped out. Johnson only spent a couple months in Boston and I doubt he really felt there was anything personal about playing against the Celtics. Reggie Miller is bad as well, he seems like the latest in a long of announcers who was a famous player so the networks made the mistake of thinking he’d be an insightful announcer. He always seems to think that flopping players were really fouled hard. You’d think it would be his expertise to expose such behavior, but perhaps he’s still abiding by some scoundrel’s code so he can’t call anyone out. The only impressive thing about Reggie is that he’s apparently able to pull double duty as a sideline reporter sometimes. I also don’t understand why TNT keeps bringing Magic Johnson in to the studio with Charles, Kenny, and Ernie. He adds nothing, perhaps he’s just there as a feel good story. I never dreamed back in ’91 when Magic announced that he had HIV that he’d still be on my TV 17 years later, and that does make me feel good, but perhaps we could just have him sit there instead of asking him questions.

That’s about all I can bear for talking about the NBA, I did want to put up a link about on of the NBA’s all-time underrated dicks, Karl Malone. Here’s the article. Apparently not only is Malone an ignorant homophobe and not only does he try to bang his teammates’ wives, but he also commits statutory rape and won’t be a part of his illegitimate child’s life. The one good thing you can say is that Malone’s bastard children are great athletes, he now has one in the NFL and a one in the WNBA.

That’s all for now, but I’ll hopefully be back soon with an update on movies, I’ve seen a lot. Until then…

-Bender Out

The Revolution Will Be Televised

Has the Lebron James era officially begun? For the last five years I've had an ongoing debate as to whether or not the hype has been too high for King James. I waffle back and forth because I'm a huge Lebron fan, but no one his age could possibly perform up to the incredible expectations and hype he's had since first gracing the cover of Sports Illustrated as a High School junior. But after his domination of the Pistons over the last two weeks I think Lebron is finally performing as the next true elite superstar of the NBA. Culminating with the incredible performance in Game Five, Lebron was completely dominant and electric, especially in the way he silenced every one of his critics who were trying to crucify him after his pass off in game one and his missed game winner while being mugged by Rip Hamilton in Game Two. The critics were as loud as they'd ever been and Lebron completely dominated Game Three which was only a prelude to his greatness in Game Five. His 29 out of Cleveland's last 30 points to end the game has to rank as one of the all-time greatest performances in NBA history. So finally he has delivered on all the promise that he showed on his way to the top. I don;t think he's quite ready to knock Tim Duncan off his throne and declare himself the best in the world, but it does just seem to be a matter of time until he takes his place where only Duncan, Shaq, Jordan, Hakeem, Magic and Larry have stood in the last 25 years, and no one else.

As far as the elimination of the Pistons goes, I'm always torn when it comes to them. I love the fact that they one a championship without one single elite superstar, and I love that they never had to win the lottery to get to the top, and they gradually built themselves up over the years without having to bottom out, but I hate them as a team. Aside from Antonio McDyess, I find them all to be more and more unlikeable every time I watch them. Rip Hamilton is a good player who thinks he is great, same goes for Chauncey Billups. Neither should really be a lock to be an all-star every season but because they're part of a really strong team they get greatly overrated. Rasheed Wallace had the skills to be a superstar but his head got in the way. In his opinion he's never actually committed a foul, and he's never missed a shot without being fouled. When 'Sheed was a freshman at UNC, coming in from Philly as the top High Schooler in the country, the sky was the limit, and there have been times when he's shown flashes of being a top ten NBA player, but he just never made it happen, mostly because he has the temprament of a petulant child. Tayshaun Prince is a very good role player, but for some reason he was being hyped as an all-star. All-Star? I don't think so. I heard Reggie Miller openly complain about Paul Pierce being named an all-star in '06 over Prince, the whole idea was ludicrous. If Prince were a Celtic there would never have been any tanking controversy this year. The Celtics could have finished in last without ever having to lose any game intentionally. You take all these overrated players and combine them with an annoying PA guy shouting "De-Troooit, Bas-Ket-Baaaaallllll" and you have a thouroughly unlikeable squad, and it also pissed me off that they got away with one of the worst draft day blunders in recent history, but the straw that broke the Camel's back for me was the night that one of they were helped out immensely by the Ron artest incident. Ben Wallace attacks Ron Artest to start the whole thing, then a drunken idiot throws a drink at Artest and the next thing ya know, The Pistons could punch their ticket to the Finals. As far as I'm concerned this group can't fall aprt fast enough, they more than have it coming.

In the rest of the sports spectrum I wanted to give a quick take on a couple of mini-controversies swirling these days. Gary Sheffield's reasoning for why there aren't more African-American players in Major League Baseball was ridiculous. To me the people who he was insulting most with his comments were African Americans. To say that they don;t make it to the majors because they can't be controlled the way latin ballplayers can strikes me as stupid. The sad truth is that in most other fields you're going to be controlled if you want to be succesful. We all have bosses to answer to on our way up to the top, and 99% have to fall in line, it's a sad truth of being an adult in this country. I can't just go around bad-mouthing my employer and doing whatever I want. If anything professional baseball players have a lot more leeway when it comes to being controlled and these comments by Sheffield are exhibit A. If he was a normal american and came out and said that his employers were members of a racist organization he'd probably be looking for a new job, but instead he's making about 15 mil this year. If I can make fifteen mil but it means I need to be controlled, just tell me where to sign up, I'm ready to take orders.

The second little controversy has mroe or less come and gone, but I wanted to comment about the aftermath of A-Rod and his stripper friend. He was wronged to be singled out, similar to the way that Barry bonds has been wronged by being singled out as the only juicer. Yes A-Rod ommitted the crime, but he's not the only one and it definitely shouldn;t be on the cover of any newspaper. I did enjoy the aftermath where we got a profile of his blonde stripper friend, she's apparently kinda jacked, leading one jealous stripper to claim that A-Rod likes the muscular shemale type (which has been blown out of proportion.) A lot of very phyically fit people go for the muscular type women, it doesn;t lend any creedance to the theories of him and Jeter although all us Boston fans would like think it does. Anyway, this whole thing does come down to jealousy. Jealousy that this guy does what he wants, jealousy that he can bang strippers, jealousy that this stripper is getting to play with Alex's money. The A-rod hating should stop, especially when a lot of the people are hating for the wrong reasons.

Just wanted to take a moment to remind everyone that the Red Sox are awesome. That's all I've got for now, Til next time...

-Bender Out

Getting Testy

The Spurs-Suns series has been extra heated even by playoff standards. It first escalated when Amare Stoudemire called out Bruce Bowen for being dirty, along with the rest of the team. He's far from the first to claim this about Bowen, but it takes balls to call out Bowen when Raja Bell is on your team. Raja is quite a chippy player himself and delivered that ridiculous clothesline to Kobe last year, (although some Police officers still think his greatest cheap shot came inside a Boston University dormitory.) The suns have also distinguished themselves by doing the unthinkable, they've been able to out-flop and out-whine the Spurs in the first four games, which takes some real doing. So with that as a backdrop, we get the infamous nut shot where Bowen supposedly kneed Steve Nash in the beans and somehow he was assessed a flagrant foul, (I'm still convinced that Nash flopped, either that or Bowen is the most skilled cheap shot artist ever.) If Nash doesn;t fall to the ground wailing, the refs wouldn't have called anything and you could even make the case that Nash was the culprit for rushing Bowen too aggressively. And now the latest chapter, Robert Horry, who at this point has confirmed his status as nut job and a bit of an A-hole to boot, delivers a ridiculous forearm shiver to Steve Nash sending little Steve crashing hard into the scorer's table. If there's any justice, Horry will be suspended for game five, unfortunately, unless the NBA completely ignores its own rules, Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw will be outside the arena that night as well. Both Stoudemire and Diaw ran onto the court, there is indisputable video evidence of this, and no matter what Stoudemire claims about running to check in, it's BS. The rules have been in place for some time, if you leave the bench in that situation you get suspended, and guys have been suspended despite showing greater restraint. So for all the momentum Phoenix just gained, they'll be very hard pressed to continue it next game when they lose two men as opposed to the Spurs one for this ugly incident started by that nut job Horry.

A few other sports notes, Most people are calling this Spurs-Suns series the real championship, but I wouldn;t be surprised if Detroit beat either of them in Finals. It would break my heart if the Pistons won, especially if they were playing the Spurs because they've had tremendous luck with their acquisitions. Danny Ainge handed them the title with that ridiculous trade that helped Detroit acquire Rasheed Wallace, and now they might win because Chris Webber dogged it so bad in Philly that the Sixers just bought out his contract and made him a free Agent so he could run home to Detroit. The horseshoe had been firmly up their petard for a few years, even blowing the number two pick in one of the best drafts ever could derail them. Twice they've signed hobbled veterans who now look healthier than they have in years, that being Webber and former all-star power forward Antonio McDyess. They were able to integrate one of the most notorious head cases in Rasheed Wallace who has somehow matured to the point where he barely gets mentioned as a potential problem. The one thing I have enjoyed from the Pistons is their domination of the Bulls. After the Bulls beat Miami 4-0 they quickly became one of the more overrated teams in recent history. The Heat were old and slow, and their one young gun, Dwyane Wade was not himself because of the shoulder separation he suffered a couple months back. They beat a team who was ripe for the picking and all of a sudden they were the second best team in the east. Well the baby Bulls have been exposed, maybe they'll be ready to compete in a few years, but my guess is they'll have a new coach and a new starting center by then. I also want to tip my hat to Golden State who will be bowing out very shortly, they did more than we could ask for by creating a very exciting first round upset. It's always great to see an eight beat a one, but to do it with total fast break basketball just makes it the most exciting upset in the history of the NBA.

Before I go, I just want to call out Brett Favre. He's whining that the Green Bay Packers didn't make enough effort to win a title with him now. Someone should tell Brett that the Packers would be a playoff team if they had a star quarterback. Not only has he ruined the last three years for the Packers by not understanding his current limitations, but now he wants to cripple their future. Brett has been holding Green Bay hostage for too long, it would serve him right if they traded him to any other NFL team where he could expose himself as the has been who everyone seems to know he is aside from himself. If the Pack could get a third round pick for him, they should do it in a heartbeat, unfortunately the fans of Green Bay seem as deluded as Brett when it comes to his current talent level.

Thats all I've got for now, hopefully I'll be back soon with more, I've got Idol this week along with all the season finales of a great television season. Until then...

-Bender Out