Is it Summertime?

“See it or skip it?” What the Eff is this crap? I’m watching Ebert and Roeper “At The Movies.” The most famous of all the movie review shows and they go away from the two thumbs up review method. It’s only one of the most famous sayings in pop culture, why would we ever want to continue using one of the most famous sayings in pop culture? They seem to be re-packaging the show, which is fine I guess, things are different than they used to be 20 plus years ago, but let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Speaking of Ebert and Roeper, they reviewed Recount, an HBO movie, and gave it “two See its” (just not catchy) and Roeper actually claimed that it was an unbiased view of the recounts. Recount is a lot of things, but unbiased is not one. I enjoyed it thoroughly but I understood that the guys who made this movie were definitely on the side of Al Gore. It is a fine movie, it was interesting to recount all the details of the re-count, and to see all the politics involved. They certainly were giving no quarter to Catherine Harris, who comes off as over-matched although very hot, and I’d like to party with her. Mostly after the movie I just thought about how the world could’ve been totally different if things had just been a little different in Florida. Who knows maybe it wouldn’t have.

On the subject of movies, I saw the new Indiana Jones movie. It was a fun time. It seems every critic wants to pan it, but I think we’ve all forgotten what the Indiana Jones movies were. They were fun adventures with a charismatic star. I’s not like we’re getting the fourth Godfather movie here. Why are people complaining that the new Indiana Jones is too unrealistic? Is it really any more unrealistic than an Arc that melts peoples’ faces off or a guy who can rip out your heart and hold it in his hand while it still beats? Just go to the movie, buy some popciorn and a soda, maybe even some Sour Patch kids and have a good time.

But enough about movies.

Can I finally write a requiem for the San Antonio Spurs? I’m tired of them, like most everyone outside of the greater San Antonio area, (which must be pretty huge.) I feel like Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker have become the two most overrated players in the NBA. They wouldn’t be nearly as highly thought of if Tim Duncan weren;t carrying their asses. Duncan does all the dirty work, the heavy lifting; then Ginobili or Parker makes a pretty drive and people think they’ve done something spectacular. I heard Ric Bucher say that Manu has had as much to do with the Spurs Championships as Duncan, it almost caused me to get into a car accident. Manu wasn;t even around for the first title and for the second one he was not a big contributor. As an aside, I definitely refer to Manu Ginobili as a European player far more often than I do Tony Parker. Sure Manu is from Argentina and Tony is from France, but Manu just acts more European. I’m hoping we’ve seen the last of these spurs in late May. Perhaps they can have a final run in a couple years where they take some team to seven, like Jimmy Connors at the US Open.

I’ve been concentrating on the Celtics-Pistons, hoping for the C’s to take it in 6 tonight and then a subsequent explosion from the Pistons (not their fans, mind you, please no riots.) I hate the Pistons, they really think of themselves as a dynasty, but they’re really lucky that even won a single title, they’re dysfunctional. ‘Sheed may very well be a sociopath, I don’t know how anyone who plays on the same team as Rip Hamilton can claim that the other team is flopping, that takes some serious balls. When Rip takes off his stupid mask he looks just like Greg from the Real World: Hollywood. Not only do they look alike, but they’re both full of shit. Rip’s flailing and flopping is an embarrassment to the NBA. Anyway, I don’t want to jinx my beloved C’s. I actually went to a few games during the infamous 15 win season and I waited patiently for Antoine Walker to blossom into a superstar, so I feel like me and the other C’s fans have earned this one.

Hopefully all will go well with The Celtics this weekend, so I can properly enjoy the return of The Venture Bros. After too much waiting and searching for info online, I found out yesterday that the best show on Adult Swim returns Sunday night.

-Bender Out

What’s Cooking?

The evil beast has finally been slain. For the last five months, evil has been disguised as a seventeen year old. He charmed so many with his innocent smile and “aww shucks” attitude. But behind all those charms was the downfall of Western civilization. He threatened to bring music down one more level, and while American Idol isn’t exactly noted for its high minded views on the art of music, I really believe that if David Archuleta had won, a small part of America’s soul would have died. OK I’m obviously way overstating AI and DA’s respective roles in America, but I’m just happy he didn’t win. And in some ways I do think that American Idol was saved by David Cook winning. It’s the first time the most talented contestant has won since Carrie Underwood in Season 3. I’ve been hoping that the voters would send Archuleta’s puppy dog style back to the Shire for many weeks, hearing the judges fawn over him when he couldn’t even really understand a lot of what he was singing, it made me sick, all the while they trashed Jason Castro and Brooke White. Anyway, Cook can now graduate to making mediocre pop-rock while his career is controlled by the leaches sucking the business dry, and Archuleta can try to compete with Miley Cyrus and The Jonas Brothers for the young peoples’ attention (and their parents’ money,) taking his rightful place as a latter day Tevin Campbell.

A couple other highlights from the show; first the George Michael medley which only lacked a great Wham tune, but did debut George’s unfortunate nose-job. Basically the one of the reasons I enjoy Idol is because when I’m singing along to songs by forgotten pop stars I don’t feel so alone. (I do still feel ridiculous, but that’s deserved.) Bryan Adams and Donna Summer were also given a little time to shine, and that’s fun. Where else but Idol? I just can’t understand why they never got to mentor the contestants, it would’ve been fun to see Bryan Adams telling the kids what’s what. I could’ve done without the final ridiculing of the lost souls from the open auditions, but I guess that’s part of the deal at this point.

That’s all I’ve got for now. I did want to put out a link. If you like Boston Sports and hot chicks, check out Barstool Sports.

-Bender Out

We're playin' baaasketbaaallll

I think most people would assume that my latest lack of posts has to do with the release of Grand Theft Auto IV. But sadly this is not true, in fact I have to shamefully admit that I don’t even own an Xbox 360 or PS3 yet. So instead of rising to the top of Liberty City’s crime syndicate I’m doing more mundane things like going to the grocery store. Speaking of which, how dare the Columbo people try and change the size of their delicious yogurts from 8oz. to 6oz, yet they kept the same price. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? I compare the Comlumbosian family to drug pushers, they got me hooked at a young age and they keep pushing up the prices and milking me for more money. I also wonder what other customers are thinking when I pick up the 48 pack of toilet paper. In this age of BJ’s and Costco you’d be a fool to buy your toilet paper in anything less than a 24 pack, similar to the way I used to buy my Bud Light in college. But it bears mentioning that I feel very awkward with a 48 pack of TP under my arm as I march up to the check out lines. I sometimes start telling total strangers that I haven’t been feeling well or that I ate a lot of Buffalo wings the night before; these lines tickle me to death but usually the other person just ignores me or is horrified. Apparently no one wants to share a laugh with me.

But I digress, I’m not here to talk about my grocery shopping in the past, I’m here to be positive about the future. And mostly I’ve been consumed with Playoff Basketball these past two weeks. Tonight the Hornets went up 2-0 on the defending champion Spurs and I think the world might finally start to realize exactly how good they are, and more specifically how great Chris Paul is, and we might want to start talking about his place in history. I have to admit that I was not a Chris Paul believer. I supported the Hawks when they took Marvin Williams ahead of him, and as recently as this year I thought that Deron Williams was still his equal, but no longer. (Ironically I did know that Chris Paul would’ve been a better pick than Andrew Bogut, just not Marvin.) I’m starting to think that Paul could go down as the second best point guard to ever play the game. I’d already put him ahead of recent players like Steve Nash and the vastly overrated Allen Iverson. This post-season Paul could be placing himself up in the Isiah Thomas stratosphere, not one of the top ten of all-time, but on the next level; and that’s very hard for a little guy to do. Anyway, I don’t want to call the series prematurely, but the Hornets look like they have this match-up all over the Spurs, Ginobili’s flops aren’t getting called, Tony Parker is being exposed as less than an all-star, Chandler is making Duncan look a bit old and David West is ready for his close up. I think we might be watching the end of the Spurs “dynasty.”

A note on The Spurs, and mostly on Tim Duncan; I don’t want anyone to think I’m crapping on Duncan. Duncan is one of only five players in the last twenty-five years who could be crowned as the greatest player alive. There was Bird, then Magic, then Jordan, followed by Shaq, and then Duncan. They were the five best players of the last twenty five years and while you can argue that Duncan was number five on that list, there’s no shame in that at all. Superstars on this level often somehow become underrated; people don’t realize how much better their teammates seem when they get on the court with a superstar. But all great things must come to an end, and it’s obvious with Shaq and Duncan isn’t far behind.

The other semi-final out west is far less interesting to me. I don’t really enjoy the Lakers, but I think they’re going to make easy work of the Utah Jazz. Kobe Bryant is a very talented player, but he’s never been the type to elevate his teammates other than the attention he draws from the defense. Gasol and Odom are talented but flawed players, I enjoy a lot of their role players like Touriaf, Walton and Fisher but they don’t make up for the fact that Kobe is a total douche bag. I’d like to watch the Jazz beat them, but I just don’t think they’re ready. Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer are hard working physical players, but they can’t make up for their overmatched teammates, including Ashton Kutcher.

I’m not really ready to talk about my Celtics’ first round series, all I can say about it is that ever since the Super Bowl I’m back to the old days of waiting to be disappointed by the local teams, instead of assuming they’ll win. All that said, I still think they could win a title. The Cavs although more talented than Atlanta are probably a better match-up. Lebron is phenomenal, and is the rightful heir to the “greatest player alive” throne, but the rest of the team looks like the guys you bring together in an effort to get the number one draft pick. I’d say Delonte West is the second best player on the Cavs, he’s hard nosed and ready to battle, but not quite up to the challenge, kind of like a latter day Scrappy Doo. As for the Detroit vs. Orlando, it’s unfortunate that the Pistons will win this one, I hate Detroit but Dwight Howard just doesn’t have enough support to make the Pistons pay for their Laissez Faire attitude. The Pistons think of themselves as being the team of the decade but in reality they are probably just an afterthought similar to the Heat from two years ago.

A couple last notes before I wrap it up, I must not have been paying attention the last few years, but I’d say the announcing is lacking. Perhaps it’s because they’re split over two networks, but I think they need to upgrade all the announcing teams and perhaps the studio hosts. If I had to listen to Dick Stockton refer to the “year and a half” that Joe Johnson spent in Boston, I might have flipped out. Johnson only spent a couple months in Boston and I doubt he really felt there was anything personal about playing against the Celtics. Reggie Miller is bad as well, he seems like the latest in a long of announcers who was a famous player so the networks made the mistake of thinking he’d be an insightful announcer. He always seems to think that flopping players were really fouled hard. You’d think it would be his expertise to expose such behavior, but perhaps he’s still abiding by some scoundrel’s code so he can’t call anyone out. The only impressive thing about Reggie is that he’s apparently able to pull double duty as a sideline reporter sometimes. I also don’t understand why TNT keeps bringing Magic Johnson in to the studio with Charles, Kenny, and Ernie. He adds nothing, perhaps he’s just there as a feel good story. I never dreamed back in ’91 when Magic announced that he had HIV that he’d still be on my TV 17 years later, and that does make me feel good, but perhaps we could just have him sit there instead of asking him questions.

That’s about all I can bear for talking about the NBA, I did want to put up a link about on of the NBA’s all-time underrated dicks, Karl Malone. Here’s the article. Apparently not only is Malone an ignorant homophobe and not only does he try to bang his teammates’ wives, but he also commits statutory rape and won’t be a part of his illegitimate child’s life. The one good thing you can say is that Malone’s bastard children are great athletes, he now has one in the NFL and a one in the WNBA.

That’s all for now, but I’ll hopefully be back soon with an update on movies, I’ve seen a lot. Until then…

-Bender Out