We're playin' baaasketbaaallll

I think most people would assume that my latest lack of posts has to do with the release of Grand Theft Auto IV. But sadly this is not true, in fact I have to shamefully admit that I don’t even own an Xbox 360 or PS3 yet. So instead of rising to the top of Liberty City’s crime syndicate I’m doing more mundane things like going to the grocery store. Speaking of which, how dare the Columbo people try and change the size of their delicious yogurts from 8oz. to 6oz, yet they kept the same price. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? I compare the Comlumbosian family to drug pushers, they got me hooked at a young age and they keep pushing up the prices and milking me for more money. I also wonder what other customers are thinking when I pick up the 48 pack of toilet paper. In this age of BJ’s and Costco you’d be a fool to buy your toilet paper in anything less than a 24 pack, similar to the way I used to buy my Bud Light in college. But it bears mentioning that I feel very awkward with a 48 pack of TP under my arm as I march up to the check out lines. I sometimes start telling total strangers that I haven’t been feeling well or that I ate a lot of Buffalo wings the night before; these lines tickle me to death but usually the other person just ignores me or is horrified. Apparently no one wants to share a laugh with me.

But I digress, I’m not here to talk about my grocery shopping in the past, I’m here to be positive about the future. And mostly I’ve been consumed with Playoff Basketball these past two weeks. Tonight the Hornets went up 2-0 on the defending champion Spurs and I think the world might finally start to realize exactly how good they are, and more specifically how great Chris Paul is, and we might want to start talking about his place in history. I have to admit that I was not a Chris Paul believer. I supported the Hawks when they took Marvin Williams ahead of him, and as recently as this year I thought that Deron Williams was still his equal, but no longer. (Ironically I did know that Chris Paul would’ve been a better pick than Andrew Bogut, just not Marvin.) I’m starting to think that Paul could go down as the second best point guard to ever play the game. I’d already put him ahead of recent players like Steve Nash and the vastly overrated Allen Iverson. This post-season Paul could be placing himself up in the Isiah Thomas stratosphere, not one of the top ten of all-time, but on the next level; and that’s very hard for a little guy to do. Anyway, I don’t want to call the series prematurely, but the Hornets look like they have this match-up all over the Spurs, Ginobili’s flops aren’t getting called, Tony Parker is being exposed as less than an all-star, Chandler is making Duncan look a bit old and David West is ready for his close up. I think we might be watching the end of the Spurs “dynasty.”

A note on The Spurs, and mostly on Tim Duncan; I don’t want anyone to think I’m crapping on Duncan. Duncan is one of only five players in the last twenty-five years who could be crowned as the greatest player alive. There was Bird, then Magic, then Jordan, followed by Shaq, and then Duncan. They were the five best players of the last twenty five years and while you can argue that Duncan was number five on that list, there’s no shame in that at all. Superstars on this level often somehow become underrated; people don’t realize how much better their teammates seem when they get on the court with a superstar. But all great things must come to an end, and it’s obvious with Shaq and Duncan isn’t far behind.

The other semi-final out west is far less interesting to me. I don’t really enjoy the Lakers, but I think they’re going to make easy work of the Utah Jazz. Kobe Bryant is a very talented player, but he’s never been the type to elevate his teammates other than the attention he draws from the defense. Gasol and Odom are talented but flawed players, I enjoy a lot of their role players like Touriaf, Walton and Fisher but they don’t make up for the fact that Kobe is a total douche bag. I’d like to watch the Jazz beat them, but I just don’t think they’re ready. Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer are hard working physical players, but they can’t make up for their overmatched teammates, including Ashton Kutcher.

I’m not really ready to talk about my Celtics’ first round series, all I can say about it is that ever since the Super Bowl I’m back to the old days of waiting to be disappointed by the local teams, instead of assuming they’ll win. All that said, I still think they could win a title. The Cavs although more talented than Atlanta are probably a better match-up. Lebron is phenomenal, and is the rightful heir to the “greatest player alive” throne, but the rest of the team looks like the guys you bring together in an effort to get the number one draft pick. I’d say Delonte West is the second best player on the Cavs, he’s hard nosed and ready to battle, but not quite up to the challenge, kind of like a latter day Scrappy Doo. As for the Detroit vs. Orlando, it’s unfortunate that the Pistons will win this one, I hate Detroit but Dwight Howard just doesn’t have enough support to make the Pistons pay for their Laissez Faire attitude. The Pistons think of themselves as being the team of the decade but in reality they are probably just an afterthought similar to the Heat from two years ago.

A couple last notes before I wrap it up, I must not have been paying attention the last few years, but I’d say the announcing is lacking. Perhaps it’s because they’re split over two networks, but I think they need to upgrade all the announcing teams and perhaps the studio hosts. If I had to listen to Dick Stockton refer to the “year and a half” that Joe Johnson spent in Boston, I might have flipped out. Johnson only spent a couple months in Boston and I doubt he really felt there was anything personal about playing against the Celtics. Reggie Miller is bad as well, he seems like the latest in a long of announcers who was a famous player so the networks made the mistake of thinking he’d be an insightful announcer. He always seems to think that flopping players were really fouled hard. You’d think it would be his expertise to expose such behavior, but perhaps he’s still abiding by some scoundrel’s code so he can’t call anyone out. The only impressive thing about Reggie is that he’s apparently able to pull double duty as a sideline reporter sometimes. I also don’t understand why TNT keeps bringing Magic Johnson in to the studio with Charles, Kenny, and Ernie. He adds nothing, perhaps he’s just there as a feel good story. I never dreamed back in ’91 when Magic announced that he had HIV that he’d still be on my TV 17 years later, and that does make me feel good, but perhaps we could just have him sit there instead of asking him questions.

That’s about all I can bear for talking about the NBA, I did want to put up a link about on of the NBA’s all-time underrated dicks, Karl Malone. Here’s the article. Apparently not only is Malone an ignorant homophobe and not only does he try to bang his teammates’ wives, but he also commits statutory rape and won’t be a part of his illegitimate child’s life. The one good thing you can say is that Malone’s bastard children are great athletes, he now has one in the NFL and a one in the WNBA.

That’s all for now, but I’ll hopefully be back soon with an update on movies, I’ve seen a lot. Until then…

-Bender Out