Well game one is in the books, and already it seems the Celtics have won more games than most of the media predicted. I’ll admit there were times when I was more than a little worried tonight, such as when Paul Pierce was carried off the floor and I had visions of his career being over, or when a minute later Kendrick Perkins limped off. (Perkins had committed the unforgivable foul of being tackled from behind by Derek Fischer.) But the Celts at least got one win under their belts and hopefully it’s a sign of things to come. I don’t begrudge anyone for picking the Lakers, there are times when I watch Kobe Bryant and I just can’t envision him missing a shot. And then you throw in his nice supporting cast of former all-stars like Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom. I’m just keeping my fingers crossed, and hoping for the best, in many ways we’re just playing with house money. Just a year ago I was advising the C’s to blow it up and hire a new GM while they were at it. But since they made it this far, they might as well win it all, and there’s no way I can accept losing to a douchebag like Kobe. I know it wouldn’t be the classiest move, but I can’t help but want to shout “no means no” every time I hear people praising what a great player Kobe is. (I know; I’m so crass. But at least I’m not a rapist.) Plenty more is still to come on this one.
By the way, while everyone in the North End was preparing for a renewing of a glorified rivalry, the Red Sox were renewing a very petty rivalry back at the Fens. Over a three day period the Rays went from being the first place team in the AL East to being the same cheap shot artists and punks that they’ve been for years. For the historical perspective, the Devil Rays/Rays most notable legacies in their history are feuding with top teams and also drafting number one. In the late nineties the Rays used to try and start bean-brawls and bench clearers just about every time they met the Sox. And the Sox were all too happy to oblige. Most famously the D-Rays plunked batter after batter one night while the Sox couldn’t retaliate because Pedro was throwing a possible no-no. Anyway, fast forward to the present. Coco Crisp take offense to Jason Bartlett blocking second base with his knee on a stolen base attempt, leading to Crisp going spikes up into Akinori Iwamura the next time he’s on base. This leads to Tampa manager Joe Maddon starting a shouting match with Crisp when Crisp was in the dugout. And tonight, Coco got plunked during his first at bat and charged the mound. Now this was no ordinary bench clearing brawl where guys come out and socialize with each other, say “hi” to old teammates and posture a bit to pad their manly egos. First pitcher James Shields throws a haymaker at Crisp, which he dodges nicely, then Tampa catcher Dioner Navarro tackles Crisp and the Rays pile on Crisp taking cheap shots, most notably Johnny Gomes and Carl Crawford. This is who the Rays are, a bunch of cheap shot taking punks. Oh the gutless ways they do things in Tampa, people say I shouldn;t say bad things about Carl Crawford and I say ‘why not?’ The Sox went on to complete the sweep of the series, like professionals, and they’ll plunk Craw Daddy when he least expects it.
It’s been a huge night in sports but I just wanted to comment on a couple more things before I go. The Real World Hollywood has just taken a drastic turn for the worse. They kicked off Greg, “the chosen one.” This is an outrage. Apparently you can go on a drunken rampage where your roommates fear for their lives, and you can tell one of your roommates that his father died because he hated that roommate for being secretly gay, but god forbid you miss a stupid improve night. In general improv is very hit or miss. Even at Second City or the Groundlings, the improv can suck ass and that’s when the stars of the show are well trained clever people who go on to become great comedic actors. But I can imagine nothing less enticing than watching the real world cast perform improv. They are a bunch of vapid dolts, and not a single one of them has said anything even accidently clever on the show, and that was over four months of shooting. Whoever decided to put these people in improv classes should lose their job as a television producer. Anyway, Greg is off the show, he was a total dick, but at least he knows it, the other six are fuct and they have no clue.
One last note, apparently the biggest rumor mill item in Hollywood is that Lindsey Lohan is actually a lesbian and she’s dating a DJ named Samantha Ronson. Normally I would go off on a diatribe about how ridiculous the concept of a celebrity DJ who performs at clubs is, but right now I’d just like to say bully for them. I hope the press gets off their nuts and they can become a happy healthy couple, and then maybe Lohan can go back to making decent movies like Mean Girls. Or if not, the two of them can fade away peacefully and live a comfortable life in California as a happy married couple, as things should be.
-Bender Out
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